LEADING MAN IN TRAVELING COMPANY--"We play _Hamlet_ to-night, laddie, do

we not?"

SUB-MANAGER--"Yes, Mr. Montgomery."

LEADING MAN--"Then I must borrow the sum of two-pence!"

SUB-MANAGER--"Why?"

LEADING MAN--"I have four days' growth upon my chin. One cannot play

_Hamlet_ in a beard!"

SUB-MANAGER--"Um--well--we'll put on Macbeth!"

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HE--"But what reason have you for refusing to marry me?"

SHE--"Papa objects. He says you are an actor."

HE-"Give my regards to the old boy and tell him I'm sorry he isn't a

newspaper critic."

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The hero of the play, after putting up a stiff fight with the villain,

had died to slow music.

The audience insisted on his coming before the curtain.

He refused to appear.

But the audience still insisted.

Then the manager, a gentleman with a strong accent, came to the front.

"Ladies an' gintlemen," he said, "the carpse thanks ye kindly, but he

says he's dead, an' he's goin to stay dead."

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Mrs. Minnie Maddern Fiske, the actress, was having her hair dressed by a

young woman at her home. The actress was very tired and quiet, but a

chance remark from the dresser made her open her eyes and sit up.

"I should have went on the stage," said the young woman complacently.

"But," returned Mrs. Fiske, "look at me--think how I have had to work

and study to gain what success I have, and win such fame as is now

mine!"

"Oh, yes," replied the young woman calmly; "but then I have talent."